Exploitation

I am glad to be a woman because they say it is a woman’s prerogative to change her mind; which brings me to this article. I was going to write about updating our legal paper work and making sure our living wills, etc. are up to date. I became involved, however, in a case this past week involving exploitation which stirred some strong emotional feelings in me and yes, I changed my mind.


With the economy as bad as it is, today, a lot of people are struggling. Exploitation in many cases stems from people we know; people in our family, people in our church and people in the circles we travel. They are people who have been in our lives. They can and do take advantage of the kindness and generosity of someone that might be lonely, frail of health and very vulnerable. Exploitation targets the vulnerable, especially the elderly.

Around the holidays, we are bombarded with requests for donations from a multitude of organizations. All the hard luck stories of the people who have nothing and all the organizations that need financial aid can stir the heart. Yes, we should always try to share at this time of year but we must be very careful and selective when writing the checks. Be careful of exploitation when people tap in to those who are generous of heart. Research the story or organization you are considering donating to. Is the story real? Is the organization legitimate? How much of your hard earned dollar gets to the root cause?

Instead of dipping into your own financial reserve, why not take advantage of the local grocery stores’ buy one get one free offers & give the free loaf of bread, can of soup, etc. to a family in need or a soup kitchen. Giving is not about depleting our own resources. It is about that feeling we get when we help others in whatever way we can. Give what you can afford, give what you feel you can, not because somebody is pressuring you or trying to make you feel obligated in some way.

Endearment is another form of exploitation. People don’t often recognize it. (Sometimes people don’t want to.) It is hard to distinguish between someone offering true friendship and concern and someone who is pathologically endearing themselves in an effort to gain trust and become the confidant of everything, including the money. BE ALERT! Do you have easy access to your bank statements or is someone preventing that? Has someone put themselves on your bank accounts? Check credit cards; are the charges accurate? Can you locate all of your jewelry and other valuables? Is someone isolating you from family or friends? Has someone “moved in” and started making decisions that you are perfectly capable of making for yourself?

So, before you open your door or write that check, take a look at things. If something doesn’t look or feel right, let’s talk.

There's No Free Lunch!

Let’s talk about caveat emptor, let the buyer beware. Any way you define it there is no free lunch! I’d like to share with you how a friend of mine was invited to a free lunch by an insurance professional. By the time lunch had ended, my friend found she had committed to and purchased an HMO insurance policy. What my friend failed to see was the big picture. She had purchased an HMO that the retirement community she lives in did not accept, nor did many doctors. When this was purchased, she was in good health. However, as you can imagine, she soon found herself in a medical crisis having had a stroke.

Upon discharge from the hospital, it became apparent her insurance choice had many limitations, including the choice of physicians and rehabilitation/ skilled nursing centers. You might think this is not a major concern. However, when you are in your elder years and you have gone to a primary care physician for many years and your insurance won’t allow you to keep that physician of your choice, it is a major concern. There are questions you must ask. We have choices, but recognize that the free lunch WILL cost you in other areas. It’s a trade off. Whether purchasing less expensive homeowners, auto or health insurance, there is always a trade off! Make decisions while looking at the big picture. My friend saw the cost efficient premium and not the big picture. The big picture being…
Physicians ~ Ask to see a list. Ask to see an updated list. Is your physician on it?
Specialists ~ Can you see only certain ones? Are they in your area?
Rehabilitation ~ Could you or would you be discriminated against due to age? Would there be a limit to the number of rehabilitation days?
Equipment ~ DME, Wheelchairs, beds, are these covered? How much?
Home Health Services ~ What agencies can you use? Are there a limited number of visits allowed?

Sometimes we need to stop and think before we commit to or purchase something that can impact our lives! Peace of mind is so important. As a nurse case manager, I deal with clients’ insurance everyday. I work with the best, the worst, and the in between. Trust me when I say there are always limitations and loop holes. Make sure the policy purchased fits your needs and that of your family. Please understand I can not and will not debate HMO over PPO.
So, the next time you are offered a free lunch, take time to savor the dessert and take a good look at the big picture.

Family Feud or What’s Your Price Tag

This morning I was reading the paper and the headline popped out about two sisters fighting over lottery winnings. The article in the paper stated the amount of money was $500,000, and the sister didn’t want to share. They were both elderly and even if they live to be 100, chances of them living to spend it all are small. The article goes on to say that before this they had a wonderful relationship.
I find this scenario too often in my Case Management practice. I come in as a liaison hoping to, as one might say, mend the fences. When you get down to it, the major cause of all the problems is always “the money.” Last night, I thought I had an opportunity to help a wonderful family and their mother. I met with the client and had a good rapport and response from her. I was so optimistic until I received that call. All that I had started and was going to be able to do for the mother was now at a standstill; with the patient losing out on the assistance I could provide for her. Again it came down to the finances. There were two sons involved. One son wanted what was best for their mother. The son who held Power of Attorney did not want to discuss any options which would use the mother’s finances.
Sometimes the money may be a lot. Sometimes it may run out in a few years. I understand the need to budget with the economy as is it is today, but family is forever. Maybe someone can tell me why we don’t want to share. I see this more and more and I don’t understand. I think it is a shame to see families; mothers and daughters, fathers and sons, and brothers and sisters not speaking to each other because nobody wants to share their toys or somebody wants it all.
Why am I writing this? I am writing because hopefully when planning your future, making arrangements in your will for your relatives, family or friends think hard about how money can change a relationship. It’s simple; try to think about what is fair. Fair to me is always splitting it down the middle. If you can’t or don’t want to do this for various reasons then talk about it, talk about it within the family. Tell them why you are doing things a certain way so everyone is comfortable. There may have been favors done in life that compensate for the lack of monetary bequeaths at the end. So if you pass on and the heirs are left behind and one person gets $1,000 and one gets $100 there will hopefully be no hard feelings.
So, think about it, watch Family Feud, don’t play it and Let’s Talk.

Feel the heat but NOT the burn!

Being fair skinned myself, I know how strong our beautiful summer sun can be. I try to keep covered up as often as I can but sometimes the summer heat out ways the need to keep covered! When this happens... I pull out the sunscreen! If you can't cover up, then slather it on.
Keep cool.

Staying Cool in the Summer

Summer is here and boy is it HOT! It's only June and we are all ready feeling the sizzle. With the heat and the summer sun it is so important to stay hydrated. Add a minute to your morning routine to grab a bottle of water before you leave your house. Keep cool!

parents beware

its summer time and school is out.....as a mom, grandparent and nurse.......I'm reminding parents to know your children's friends and where they are.......its OK to ask our teenagers ..what they are going to do and with whom......safety first........keep in touch with your kids.

Have a happy and healthy summer vacation and if you're near the Gulf of Mexico keep away from the oil and pray for our sea life.

Speak Up

Let’s talk about speaking up. No, I’m not talking about hearing impairment! I’m talking about speaking up about what is happening in your life & in the environment.
As I was driving to work the other day, I noticed a baby bird perched on a tree and it made me smile. I thought to myself, “I really do enjoy the day”. I also thought of the what ifs; what if there were no more birds, what if our natural resources became so polluted, birds & other wildlife were no longer there? When they’re gone, they’re gone. Having experienced some personal losses and meeting the challenges that come our way every day, I try hard to sort out what is important. One of my priorities right now is to be a voice and help in any way I can to protect our environment. When the environment is gone, IT’S GONE. I don’t want to get on a soap box, but I really think we have just had another BIG wake up call in our own Gulf of Mexico.
As a nurse, I can equate this issue with my personal life and health care, and you can bring it into your life as well. A healthy environment is essential for healthy living. I think today the message I want to bring is don’t sit back and think others are going to take care of the problem. You can become involved by voicing your concerns for the current environmental problems. Don’t lose perspective of what is important. I know I have an opinion, and I know you must have one also. Voice your opinion, maybe it’s not the popular thing to do or say, but by voicing your opinion you may raise awareness and get other people to think and look at the other side of the coin. Don’t sit on the side lines. Sometimes it takes, (to coin a phrase,) ‘a village’.
I think we could all agree that one of the most important things is the environment in which we live. Once the foxes, the sea turtles and the Florida panther is gone we can’t bring them back. Gone is gone. How sad it would be for our grandchildren and their children to say they have never seen a Florida panther or a sea turtle. Speak up, write letters to your Congressmen, the EPA, make phone calls, use the internet, and voice your opinion on what and how you want to live. Get involved, demand accountability, speak up; protect your environment; it’s the healthy thing to do.
I would love to hear from you with regard to this issue or any other concerns. Feel free to e-mail me (ruth@rmfhomecare.com), or write and Let’s Talk.

A System Gone Wrong!

A System Gone Wrong… This could be you!
Picture this and you decide. This is an actual event that I was asked to assist in.
A 64 yr. old woman was living with her 94 yr. old mother in Largo. The daughter who has Parkinson’s, fell and was taken to the hospital in an emergency situation. The neighbor called Department of Children and Families and they came and placed mother in an Assisted Living Facility. An outside party, a stranger to the family, took over power of Attorney and proceeded to close out her safe deposit box and take over her affairs. Then the daughter was discharged from the hospital to the same Assisted Living Facility (was never given a choice) and the same person took over her affairs and became her Power of Attorney. Now the daughter is starting to feel better and more in control and tells friends she doesn’t want to stay there anymore. She wants to move her and her mother to another Assisted Living Facility. Guess what… They won’t let her go. They have her and her mother believing they are not allowed to go. Friends call an attorney. The attorney determines the daughter is NOT incompetent & has rights. The daughter goes out for lunch one day never to return. The attorney draws up new POA papers for her, but not before the original POA writes herself a paycheck from the daughter’s acct. THE NEXT STEP? Helping mom escape. The daughter, family friends & myself, visit the ALF one cold windy evening; we are not allowed into the facility. ALL COMMUNICATION STOPS. The owner refuses to talk with me, the nurse advocate. Abuse line is called. Sheriff is called and we are told by him to promptly leave the premises. The outcome? SEPARATION OF FAMILY. Attorneys started initiating guardianship for the mother so she and the daughter can be in control of their own affairs and become reunited. The mother, however, is becoming aloof with her daughter & believes she really just should not leave. Because of financial concerns, however, efforts have stopped. The results: the daughter now has a new Power of Attorney, lives in a more appropriate Assisted Living Facility, and is somewhat estranged from her mother. The mother remains in the first Assisted Living Facility and she believes her Power of Attorney is her new best friend.
My Questions & Concerns:
ETHICS: The refusal of ALF owner, POA, sheriff to talk with family friends of twenty years or nurse advocate, UNDERHANDEDNESS of the situation.
EXPLOITATION: Emotional, undue influence by the ALF & POA placed upon on a 94 year old woman
THE SYSTEM: Which allowed the strangers to take power, ABUSE OF POWER
My question??? Who selected this person?

Let's Start Talking

Looking back at my life and career, never did I think I would be given the opportunity to share, hopefully in a light hearted way, my experiences.

You must believe in your dreams. I am proof that dreams come true… through a lot of hard work and perseverance!

Many times people have problems, a.k.a. challenges, in their life and feel hopeless and all alone and I’m here to let you know you are never alone. I say this because I know from 1st hand experience about resources in our community that can help us through the feelings of hopelessness and face the challenges that life may bring. Surviving the loss of a loved one is a challenge all of us at one time or another will experience. We feel isolated, angry and depressed during our grieving process and don’t realize how much support is available to help us find our way, however, remember we have to recognize and be the first one to ask for help. Recognizing our need is difficult. My wake up call was getting in my car to go to work and exiting my garage with the garage door down. Result… Garage Door, My Car, My Ego … Dented!

Support can come in many forms. It could be as simple as the lady behind you in the grocery check out line or as intense as a one on one session with a Grief Counselor. Your friends and family can be a strong support system. For me, I chose the Bridges Program with Hospice. Through counseling, I learned that grieving takes time but is a healing process. YOU CAN SURVIVE… if you choose!

Yes, surviving IS a choice. Today there are many different types of loss, including, loss of health and independence, loss of a job and financial security, loss of relationships, divorce and just as important the loss of a significant other (human or furry). Through believing and persevering you can start every day anew and create your own happiness. I look forward to hearing from you and exchanging ideas.