Exploitation

I am glad to be a woman because they say it is a woman’s prerogative to change her mind; which brings me to this article. I was going to write about updating our legal paper work and making sure our living wills, etc. are up to date. I became involved, however, in a case this past week involving exploitation which stirred some strong emotional feelings in me and yes, I changed my mind.


With the economy as bad as it is, today, a lot of people are struggling. Exploitation in many cases stems from people we know; people in our family, people in our church and people in the circles we travel. They are people who have been in our lives. They can and do take advantage of the kindness and generosity of someone that might be lonely, frail of health and very vulnerable. Exploitation targets the vulnerable, especially the elderly.

Around the holidays, we are bombarded with requests for donations from a multitude of organizations. All the hard luck stories of the people who have nothing and all the organizations that need financial aid can stir the heart. Yes, we should always try to share at this time of year but we must be very careful and selective when writing the checks. Be careful of exploitation when people tap in to those who are generous of heart. Research the story or organization you are considering donating to. Is the story real? Is the organization legitimate? How much of your hard earned dollar gets to the root cause?

Instead of dipping into your own financial reserve, why not take advantage of the local grocery stores’ buy one get one free offers & give the free loaf of bread, can of soup, etc. to a family in need or a soup kitchen. Giving is not about depleting our own resources. It is about that feeling we get when we help others in whatever way we can. Give what you can afford, give what you feel you can, not because somebody is pressuring you or trying to make you feel obligated in some way.

Endearment is another form of exploitation. People don’t often recognize it. (Sometimes people don’t want to.) It is hard to distinguish between someone offering true friendship and concern and someone who is pathologically endearing themselves in an effort to gain trust and become the confidant of everything, including the money. BE ALERT! Do you have easy access to your bank statements or is someone preventing that? Has someone put themselves on your bank accounts? Check credit cards; are the charges accurate? Can you locate all of your jewelry and other valuables? Is someone isolating you from family or friends? Has someone “moved in” and started making decisions that you are perfectly capable of making for yourself?

So, before you open your door or write that check, take a look at things. If something doesn’t look or feel right, let’s talk.

There's No Free Lunch!

Let’s talk about caveat emptor, let the buyer beware. Any way you define it there is no free lunch! I’d like to share with you how a friend of mine was invited to a free lunch by an insurance professional. By the time lunch had ended, my friend found she had committed to and purchased an HMO insurance policy. What my friend failed to see was the big picture. She had purchased an HMO that the retirement community she lives in did not accept, nor did many doctors. When this was purchased, she was in good health. However, as you can imagine, she soon found herself in a medical crisis having had a stroke.

Upon discharge from the hospital, it became apparent her insurance choice had many limitations, including the choice of physicians and rehabilitation/ skilled nursing centers. You might think this is not a major concern. However, when you are in your elder years and you have gone to a primary care physician for many years and your insurance won’t allow you to keep that physician of your choice, it is a major concern. There are questions you must ask. We have choices, but recognize that the free lunch WILL cost you in other areas. It’s a trade off. Whether purchasing less expensive homeowners, auto or health insurance, there is always a trade off! Make decisions while looking at the big picture. My friend saw the cost efficient premium and not the big picture. The big picture being…
Physicians ~ Ask to see a list. Ask to see an updated list. Is your physician on it?
Specialists ~ Can you see only certain ones? Are they in your area?
Rehabilitation ~ Could you or would you be discriminated against due to age? Would there be a limit to the number of rehabilitation days?
Equipment ~ DME, Wheelchairs, beds, are these covered? How much?
Home Health Services ~ What agencies can you use? Are there a limited number of visits allowed?

Sometimes we need to stop and think before we commit to or purchase something that can impact our lives! Peace of mind is so important. As a nurse case manager, I deal with clients’ insurance everyday. I work with the best, the worst, and the in between. Trust me when I say there are always limitations and loop holes. Make sure the policy purchased fits your needs and that of your family. Please understand I can not and will not debate HMO over PPO.
So, the next time you are offered a free lunch, take time to savor the dessert and take a good look at the big picture.

Family Feud or What’s Your Price Tag

This morning I was reading the paper and the headline popped out about two sisters fighting over lottery winnings. The article in the paper stated the amount of money was $500,000, and the sister didn’t want to share. They were both elderly and even if they live to be 100, chances of them living to spend it all are small. The article goes on to say that before this they had a wonderful relationship.
I find this scenario too often in my Case Management practice. I come in as a liaison hoping to, as one might say, mend the fences. When you get down to it, the major cause of all the problems is always “the money.” Last night, I thought I had an opportunity to help a wonderful family and their mother. I met with the client and had a good rapport and response from her. I was so optimistic until I received that call. All that I had started and was going to be able to do for the mother was now at a standstill; with the patient losing out on the assistance I could provide for her. Again it came down to the finances. There were two sons involved. One son wanted what was best for their mother. The son who held Power of Attorney did not want to discuss any options which would use the mother’s finances.
Sometimes the money may be a lot. Sometimes it may run out in a few years. I understand the need to budget with the economy as is it is today, but family is forever. Maybe someone can tell me why we don’t want to share. I see this more and more and I don’t understand. I think it is a shame to see families; mothers and daughters, fathers and sons, and brothers and sisters not speaking to each other because nobody wants to share their toys or somebody wants it all.
Why am I writing this? I am writing because hopefully when planning your future, making arrangements in your will for your relatives, family or friends think hard about how money can change a relationship. It’s simple; try to think about what is fair. Fair to me is always splitting it down the middle. If you can’t or don’t want to do this for various reasons then talk about it, talk about it within the family. Tell them why you are doing things a certain way so everyone is comfortable. There may have been favors done in life that compensate for the lack of monetary bequeaths at the end. So if you pass on and the heirs are left behind and one person gets $1,000 and one gets $100 there will hopefully be no hard feelings.
So, think about it, watch Family Feud, don’t play it and Let’s Talk.

Feel the heat but NOT the burn!

Being fair skinned myself, I know how strong our beautiful summer sun can be. I try to keep covered up as often as I can but sometimes the summer heat out ways the need to keep covered! When this happens... I pull out the sunscreen! If you can't cover up, then slather it on.
Keep cool.

Staying Cool in the Summer

Summer is here and boy is it HOT! It's only June and we are all ready feeling the sizzle. With the heat and the summer sun it is so important to stay hydrated. Add a minute to your morning routine to grab a bottle of water before you leave your house. Keep cool!

parents beware

its summer time and school is out.....as a mom, grandparent and nurse.......I'm reminding parents to know your children's friends and where they are.......its OK to ask our teenagers ..what they are going to do and with whom......safety first........keep in touch with your kids.

Have a happy and healthy summer vacation and if you're near the Gulf of Mexico keep away from the oil and pray for our sea life.